Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
