So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
