Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
