I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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