Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
