i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
