i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
