I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
