i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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