why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
