There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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