Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
