your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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