So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
