i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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