i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
