ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
