This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
