"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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