Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
