she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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