He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
there is glitter all over my balls
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