i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
