I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
