Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm passing your future prison.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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