Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
