Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
