You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
