so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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