I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
