dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
