wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize