Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize