Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
