Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
