If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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