I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
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