got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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