after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
