I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
