Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
