WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
