You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
