Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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