meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
