i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
