We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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