We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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