I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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