if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I faked an abortion last night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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