i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
