I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
