He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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