The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
