my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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