people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
