Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
