are you still at the devil's house?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
