Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
