I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
