don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
