I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
