its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
