My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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