i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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