Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
