Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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